Yesterday at school we had the preliminaries for sports physicals which is basically just the nurses getting your pulse, blood pressure, height, and weight. I haven’t looked at my weight for at least a year now, simply because it’s not a big deal to me anymore.
Back when I was battling disordered eating I weighed myself every morning. I let my day be dictated by whether I was up or down a pound. When it was low, I’d feel happy with myself that I could maintain that (much too low) weight. If I was up a pound or two I’d be crabby, convinced that I was bloated, and have a hard time eating normally that day. Not a fun way to live.
When I started recovery I stopped weighing myself. Not so much because I didn’t care, but because I was scared to see the number start to rise.
I can tell that I’ve gained some weight, especially in the past few months (woo lifting!). My legs aren’t as skinny and clothes are fitting a little tight.
I guess I just kind of wanted to see where I was at. I wasn’t having any disordered feelings about it. I wanted to address the fact that I did gain weight and I felt I couldn’t truly accept it until I saw it for real. So I looked at the number. And guess what? Nothing happened.
I didn’t feel guilty. I didn’t instantly start thinking about how I could bring the number down. I didn’t let it change the rest of my day. Because that’s all that it is: a number.
Okay, so I weight ten more pounds than a year ago. So what? I feel stronger, healthier, happier, and who ever said a few curves were ugly? 😉
I am so much more than a number on a piece of plastic. There is SO much more to life than than how much gravitational pull you contain. Life’s not about spending it unhappy with yourself. It’s about making memories, helping others, and being the best person you can be.
And really – who but yourself cares about your number? No one. I don’t think anyone will notice if you carry a few extra pounds. People care about what kind of a person you are on the inside.
Am I going to start weighing myself again? No. It doesn’t matter to me what a number says. What matters to me is how I feel, and right now I feel pretty dang good with myself. I eat what I’m craving when I’m hungry. If that makes me a little heavier than in the past, then that’s okay with me. Feeling healthy and satisfied is much more important than making sure I stay under a certain weight.
Well… I thank you all so so so much for reading. In addition to being more open with myself on the blog I hope that this can help anyone currently struggling. I ♥ you all!
LOVE. SO MUCH LOVE FOR YOU.
It is a wonderful thing to be able to see that number and not judge yourself based on it. I am so proud of how far you’ve come, and I am inspired by your journey. It’s true that the ONLY thing people really care about is your attitude and how much you love others, not how much you weigh.
I haven’t weighed myself in a long time. I honestly just have no interest. If I do weigh myself again, it would probably be to make sure I’ve gained weight (whether it’s fat or muscle doesn’t matter either).
You’re beautiful. ♥
Can’t even begin to describe how much of an inspiration you are to me. I look up to you in every aspect.. faith, strength, eats.. you are such a role model. This comment means so much to me and I’m so thankful you’re part of my life. <3
ps your snap literally just made my day. #yooper4life 😉
I love you tons Leigha. I respect you so much for sharing your story, both good times and bad times, with us all. You are beautiful. <3
Thank you so much Lora. <3 you!!
I am so happy your relationship with your weight has improved so much. I also used to weigh myself daily and it was completely useless. Our weight fluctuates so much that weighing daily just isn’t worth it. Now I rarely ever weigh myself but sometimes do just to see and the same things happens to me — nothing. I could care less if I gain a few pounds, as long as in the end I feel good with my body and continue to be healthy and active, that is all that matters. xoxo
Feeling good with your body really is all that matters! So glad you’re with me on this 😀
I love this post! I especially love the Gail Dines quote at the end.
I’m so happy for you that you’ve found peace with your weight. That’s something that’s taken me quite a while, too, and I don’t weigh myself often, but when I do, it doesn’t dictate how I feel anymore, which is quite a change.
At my school, they have this event outside with a bunch of old scales and they give girls (and guys, too, if they want) the chance to smash a scale hahaha. It’s a nice symbolic gesture of not letting the scale be the boss of you 🙂
Coolest. Idea. Ever. Thanks Liv! So glad you feel good about weighing yourself too 😀
Leigha, you are such an inspiration in so many ways. You’ve faced the incredible challenge of disordered eating and built an informed and healthy lifestyle from that battle. And, by sharing your experiences with others, you are helping others to live better lives. I can only believe that your candor in your writing is giving others strength & confidence to face whatever challenges they are experiencing. You may not have set out to be a role model when you began your blog, but you’ve become one–a role model who lets people know that while you’ve been shaped by a particular challenge, that challenge does not define you. My favorite Yooper Girl climbs those ice mountains metaphorically and literally! Go you!!!
Thank you!!! Your comments are my favorite! Helping people get through hard things is the absolute best feeling. I’m happy on how my blog has evolved 🙂
I’m still planning on coming to visit you this summer!!
I would LOVE that!
Lovely post! It warms my hearts so much to see how strong and brave you are. Weighing myself is an addiction I had become obsessed at one point in my life. Now, I still struggle somedays, but like you said, I am NOT my weight. I am me, and being me is just fine. 🙂
Exactly! Thank you so much, Edye 🙂 <3
It’s all about the Bass about the Bass. Weight goes up this time of year cause we are basically Bears storing for the summer. I see the women at my gym that are way too thin and am grateful to be old enough to enjoy life a bit with wine and good food. You are an old sole who has made the connection early. I love your posts Leigha and wished Id have worried less about my weight in HS.
Thanks Tina! Miss you!!
Thanks for for sharing your story and your new, healthy attitude about your body – love that quote you put on the scale – fantastic. You go girl!
Thanks, girl! It’s the best feeling!
This was wonderful. Simple, Pure. Love every word. You’re such a beautiful person, inside and out.
KATHERINE, thank you. So much love for you. I’ve been meaning to respond to your email!! I need to take some time and do it because it was one of the sweetest things I’ve ever been sent. <3
thanks for this great post its a great reminder that its the inside that counts your honesty helps so much! Cant tell you how much I love you blog!! <3 you! xx
This really means so much to me, girl! Thank you! 🙂 <3 you too!